The Importance of Being Earnest

FIRST ACTSCENEMorning-room in Algernon’s flat in Half-Moon Street. The room isluxuriously and artistically furnished. The sound of a piano is heard inthe adjoining room.[Lane is arranging afternoon tea on the table, and after the music hasceased, Algernon enters.]Algernon. Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?Lane. I didn’t think it polite to listen, sir.Algernon. I’m sorry for that, for your sake. I don’t playaccurately–any one can play accurately–but I play with wonderfulexpression. As far as the piano is concerned, sentiment is my forte. Ikeep science for Life.Lane. Yes, sir.Algernon. And, speaking of the science of Life, have you got thecucumber sandwiches cut for Lady Bracknell?Lane. Yes, sir. [Hands them on a salver.]Algernon. [Inspects them, takes two, and sits down on the sofa.] Oh! . . .by the way, Lane, I see from your book that on Thursday night, whenLord Shoreman and Mr. Worthing were dining with me, eight bottles ofchampagne are entered as having been consumed.Lane. Yes, sir; eight bottles and a pint.Algernon. Why is it that at a bachelor’s establishment the servantsinvariably drink the champagne? I ask merely for information.Lane. I attribute it to the superior quality of the wine, sir. I haveoften observed that in married households the champagne is rarely of afirst-rate brand.Algernon. Good heavens! Is marriage so demoralising as that?Lane. I believe it _is_ a very pleasant state, sir. I have had verylittle experience of it myself up to the present. I have only beenmarried once. That was in consequence of a misunderstanding betweenmyself and a young person.Algernon. [Languidly_._] I don’t know that I am much interested in yourfamily life, Lane.Lane. No, sir; it is not a very interesting subject. I never think ofit myself.Algernon. Very natural, I am sure. That will do, Lane, thank you.Lane. Thank you, sir. [Lane goes out.]